By Red Arse.
Here we are, at the beginning of a brand new season and Arsenal are already screwed!
What do you mean, you two-toed tosser? It’s the beginning of the new season, isn’t it? It’s wonderful! It’s fabulous! It’s stupendously knee wobblingly fantastic for goodness sake!
What is your problem, my son?
Well, right at the beginning of this new season, not January 2011, we have a casualty ward that makes Casualty look like a TV series. What? Oh it is a TV series. Well bollocks to that then.
At the moment we have Denilson, Djourou, Song, Ramsey, and Bendtner missing thru’ injury of one sort or another. In addition, we have Fab and Robin being held back by Arsene after their World Cup exertions, and then we have hived off Gallas, Senderos, Sylvestre and sold Dudu all from the first team squad.
That’s like a full team gone walk about; but relax, don’t panic Mr Mannering!
What a disaster! Oh no it isn’t! Oh yes it is! Oh no it bloody isn’t!!
We have also signed a potentially brilliant Centre Forward and also a Centre Back, in Chamakh and Koscielny. Goody, goody gum drops, absolutely, bloody fantabuloso!
Yes O.K., but why, oh why, have we not bought yet another backup Centre Back and a new super doper, eight armed Goal Keeper?
Well steady on. Very few top PL clubs have bought anyone. Admittedly, the Chavs, Manure and Citeh have started to flex their financial muscles, but once the oinkers have stuck their collective noses in the trough and had their fill, there will be plenty of other, mixed metaphor, fish to fry, and at much more competitive prices.
Arsene, with his poly math, multi-lingual intellect, has not yet thrown in the towel. Not by a long chalk! No siree Bob!
He now has his main GK target openly putting pressure on Fulham to sanction his release. Darn, did I not mention Mark Schwarzer? Well we at Arsenal do not tap up other clubs’ players or breathe gently in their ears to agitate for a move. Oh no, not us. Heaven Forfend!
It is almost beyond belief that we will not buy another first class Centre Back, so stop fretting.
Why? Bugger, haven’t you been reading my massive missive above? Djourou is currently injured, again, and Arsene knows he cannot be relied on over a pre-season let alone a full season.
Do you seriously think our erudite manager does not know that his credibility and our wonderful club’s fortunes depend on acquiring a suitable excellent replacement at Centre Half? Behave!
And it is not just us who are having injury problems. Manu are missing Owen Hargreaves, possibly Carrick and also Ferdinand. Our hosts on Sunday are missing Torres, depending on which rumour you listen to, and have sold the usual bric a brac. So too other crappo clubs have their probs.
Look, we have everything to look forward to and our expectations should be riding high. There is no reason we cannot pin our hopes on Arsene and our brilliant team.
Come on you accursed Sky TV boys; Jeff Stelling, Merse and Matt Le Tiss, tell us the story of how the Saturday Farters, sorry, starters are getting on, let us gloat with great glee that either the Spuds or Citeh have had a shitty start to the season by losing. Yaay!
We must have faith in our boys and our magnificent manager! They will bring the bacon home, or the pressed beef, whichever is your thing!!!
This is no time for effing wimps or wuzzes! Be of good heart, and give the team your full committed support. Without you, nothing good will happen!
You heard it here first; Arsenal will win the PL championship 2010/11.